as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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