cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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