mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
