k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
