Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I party with great urgency now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
