Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
