whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
