Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
