no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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