And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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