i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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