he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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