I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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