im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
