Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
