i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
