Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
