well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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