you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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