he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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