We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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