So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
