? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
