Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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