guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
