I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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