hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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