I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
