Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
