It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
