god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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