lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
