i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is the high leading the old right now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
