He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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