he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Boobs are out for the taking
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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