So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
