watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
