So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
