Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
