And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize