He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
