Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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