dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
