Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize