i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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