Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
