i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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