Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
