Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
