We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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