guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
