Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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