i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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