Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
