You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
