I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
