Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
