I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
