oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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