2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
