like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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