and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
