I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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