go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
