You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My bed smells like the plague
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
